https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_cALLQv8SmE (watch video to 0:50 seconds)
Just last week, James Corden, global superstar and well-known talk-show host, was interviewing pop sensation, Louis Tomlinson. Louis was recounting a personal story with James and the audience, sharing that he was just 14 years old at the time of the story.
A natural pause arose and James offered another question. "Right. And how old were you at this point?”
Without missing a beat (being the fine musician he is) Louis replied;
“14, when I first started — just said that.”
"Some people don't listen James,” said John Lithgow (another of his guests) as the host James sat in bewilderment, “It’s a talk show; it’s not a listen show.”
Although this was a glorious piece of TV and social media viewing, it left us with a rich example of what can happen when we don’t listen.
Listening requires us to be present and in the moment with others. It requires a mindfulness, which allows us to clear the internal narratives we’re used to hearing, and make room for others’ perspectives. Too often we remain fixed on our own objectives, as I’d suggest James was. Perhaps he was thinking about his next question, or possibly how he could share the interview time across his three guests perched on the couch. Maybe he was distracted by someone off-camera who grabbed his attention. Maybe he was tired and in need of energy renewal, after all, he runs a hectic schedule.
Whatever the reason, it was clear that he was not present. He had lost focus and had not remained attentive with Louis in the moment. He had “box-checked”, by expressing empathy in a perfunctory way, and by saying “Right” in response to Louis’s very personal story, he had come across in an insincere manner. This empathy mistake demonstrated that James was not in sync with Louis (not even in "One Direction" with Louis) as he was not being an active listener. He had lost his way and was unable to show his genuine interest in the story being shared.
Now, I’m a big fan of James and enjoy his carpool karaoke, singing along like the best of us. He’s a respectful and entertaining talk-show host who typically makes his guests feel at ease and brings out the best of them to a wider audience. He has a skillful interviewing technique, which requires mastering the art of listening and the art of empathy. However, what this most recent interaction demonstrates, is that just as James is master of his trade, a loss of focus and lack of presence with his guests can create unintended consequences.
Although we enjoyed a laugh with Louis and the other guests at the expense of James, it heightened the need to stick with the goal of giving your full attention to the person you are communicating with. The art of listening requires showing a genuine interest in the person you are communicating with so that a meaningful connection can be made. This creates a safe space for the other person to share their point of view and increases the perspectives which are heard.
It builds collaboration, inclusivity and connection between others, given the dialogue which occurs, and increases the capacity for creativity and innovation, something which in a business context supports problem solving.
Even in the context of a talk show, connectivity between the host and guests is essential to lend itself to an openness of dialogue, a trusted space where insights can be shared, and a space when both the host and guest can be creative and entertain the audience.
Louis demonstrated what so many people feel when others in their presence are not present; a sense of frustration, perhaps a diminishing sense of personal value. A question of “Why bother?”
Being present in our conversations is attained by tuning-in. It demonstrates empathy where you are able to notice the emotions of the storyteller and stand in their shoes at that moment. It helps you to understand their points of view and further the dialogue in response.
James appeared to get stuck as the subject matter expert - the talk-show host who needed to host the show, rather than connect with his guests. As his guest so cheekily said, “It’s a talk show, not a listen show.”
Compare this to a client interaction where we remain the expert and tell the client what they need to hear, rather than listening to what they are saying so we can learn from them, and then co-create (collaborate) a solution.
Listening is a skill involving many techniques including using open and closed questions, Socratic questions, nudging for more information, and (who would have thought?!) using silence where you encourage without interruption. Most of all it requires a consciousness of mind, a willingness to remain in the moment to truly hear and understand the perspectives of others, a curious mindset and an openness to learn from others.
It brings us many gifts. We move from a limited personal view, to a broader understanding inclusive of diverse perspectives. It moves us to create new points of view where we have synthesized additional information. It helps us to connect with others which brings us a sense of relatedness and understanding.
So thank you James for delivering us yet another gem. You remain a great humourist, singer, entertainer, and a superb talk show host. This time however you have become a masterful teacher for all of us reflective learners. Seeing you role-play the art of listening (or not) has been a wonderful example for us to learn from. You’ve engaged us in conversation to better ourselves and the impact we can have...
Sorry James... did you need me to repeat that? ; )